Kids Are Weird and it's Hilarious and Awesome.

Hey all,

It's been a while since my last post and that can be chalked up, in all honesty, to my serious fear of inadequacy. My last post was re-published as an article on The Plaid Zebra, which was really cool, but then I began to feel like every post from then on needed to be profound and article-worthy. So I put off writing another post for a while, because let's face it -- you don't come across profound and article-worthy situations every day. But then I remembered why I am keeping this blog -- to document my time as a new teacher living in a new place, and to share it with the people that care enough to read (hi Mom, hi Dad). Not to write a masterpiece every week.

Perfectionism and self-doubt can be paralyzing. I remember crying in Kindergarten because I couldn't remember how to spell the word "lighter" (darn those silent letters) and making many trips to the recycling bin throughout elementary school with crumpled up pieces of artwork that were "so terrible" that I had to start over. Now here I am, telling kids that it's okay to spell a word wrong as long as we give it our best try, and that their artwork looks beautiful and unique, not terrible. Guess I've gotta pay my dues for being an annoying kid somehow.

All that aside, I have decided to make a small compilation of some of the funny and adorable things that I have seen students say or do over the past couple weeks of supplying -- because when they are not crying over misspelled words or crumpling up their art, kids are actually hilarious. I suspect that this is part of the reason that I decided to work with them. Here are some moments that demonstrate what I mean:

• (Nursery)
  Girl: "Sam, why do you have tissues?"
  Boy: (Thoughtfully) "I have a cold...I have had a cold for 80 years."
  Me: "80 years? That's a very long time! You would be very old by then."
  Boy: (Pondering this deeply) "When I am 96 years old... I will have a beard, probably."


• (Nursery)
  Boy: (In tough, growling voice)"GRRRR. I'm the Hulk!!!"
  Me: "Oh no! Are you a nice Hulk, or a mean Hulk?"
  Boy: (Still in tough voice): "NICE HULK."



• Two girls in Reception (Kindergarten) came up to me and said "Miss! Want to watch our song?" "Sure!" I say, prepared for Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or Baa Baa Black Sheep. Nope. It was "Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)" complete with attempted actions. I watched them. They whipped. They Nae-Naed. I died laughing.


• A class of Year Four students had to write newspaper reports on Howard Carter's discovery of King Tut's tomb. One kid decided to describe how Carter "Peered through a hole in the wall". Only, she forgot the "R" in "peered". Guess there were no toilets in King Tut's tomb.

• Same assignment -- kids had to finish a sentence for their news article, beginning with "Howard Carter...". Expected answers were probably along the lines of "Is an archaeologist, is a passionate adventurer" etc.  Instead, a good third of the answers were just about his mustache. One read: "Howard Carter has a long mustache and seems posh". Come on, guys. I need hard hitting journalism here. You're all fired.

While I was taking the register in a Reception class, a little girl begins rubbing my boot. I look down to see what she's doing. "I'm keeping your feet warm for you!" she tells me. Heart = melted.

A little boy in Nursery came up to me at outdoor time and put a construction hat on my head. "You're Bob the Builder". he instructed me. When a 4-year-old tells you you're Bob the Builder, you are now Bob the Builder. It doesn't matter who you were in your former life. You put that hat on, start hammering at random things on the playground, and accept your new identity. There is no questioning it.

While taking the register in a Year One class I had been in a few times, I call a boy's name and ask what he's having for his lunch today. His answer was "Packed lunch, also, I love you." Woah, kid. That escalated quickly.

I told a group of Year One students the really corny knock-knock joke that ends with "Orange you glad I didn't say banana?". Then a little boy wanted to tell me his own joke that goes as follows:
Knock knock? (Who's there?) Banana. (Banana who?) BANANA DOCTOR!! (Cue him laughing hysterically at his own joke). This further confirmed my belief that little kids not understanding the concept of punchlines but trying to tell jokes anyway is the greatest thing ever.

A nursery school girl promptly walked up to me during outdoor play and demanded to know, with a pointed finger, why I wasn't wearing earrings... I have no idea why... but I felt ashamed of my obvious transgression.

I had to do a "long observation" on some Reception kids, meaning I basically follow a kid around for 10-15 minutes, write down the things they do and say, match it to age-level expectations and write their "next steps". The LSA told me to observe one girl, and I was ready to document some wonderful snapshots of learning and development...Except this girl decided she wanted to run around on all fours barking like a dog. For 15 minutes. She only broke character when she noticed someone else doing something they weren't supposed to do, for which she would promptly scold them -- and then right back to being a dog. Next Steps: Stay in character. Become the dog. Research dog's motivations -- Why does it bark? What are it's hopes and dreams? Who is it really?

Sometimes, these tiny humans and their are reminders to smile and to not take life so seriously -- a very important quality to have during the dark, damp Bristol winter. There is a time and a place to be serious -- but sometimes, ya just gotta put on a Bob the Builder hat and run around barking like a dog. (It's an analogy. Please don't actually do that). That's all for now, but stay tuned for more adorably silly tiny-human-moments in the future!


C.