Chips, Crisps and Lucky Dip: A Muggle's Guide to British English.

When I first decided that I wanted to teach abroad after graduating, I remember telling people "I'm going to go teach English in Korea!". I had Korean English academies bookmarked on my laptop and dreams of Kimchi and K-Pop in my heart. However, as graduation crept closer and closer, something changed.

 I can't explain what it was that flipped that switch in my head, but all of a sudden, Korea seemed really far away, and the prospect of committing to a full year in a country where I don't speak the language seemed terrifying. Where England had seemed like a boring option in the past, it now seemed like a much more reasonable choice for my first teaching and "big" travel experience.

I figured that at least speaking the same language as everyone around me would be a comfort in an unfamiliar place. As it turns out, I was right...and wrong.

The first thing you need to understand is that British English is not just Canadian English with an adorable accent. I thought I had prepared myself by watching Skins and The Inbetweeners, not to mention having a whole childhood's worth of Harry Potter etched into my subconscious. But the sad truth is, I have often found myself feeling like a muggle amongst a whole country full of English wizards. So I have compiled a small Muggle's Guide to some of the most common confusing words and phrases that I've encountered in England:

You Alright/Okay?: This is an important one, because it is so commonly used. At first, it seems like British people are just really concerned about your well-being. Then, you start to wonder -- 'Do I look like I'm not alright? Do I look sick? Or worried? I just have a naturally worried face! That's just how my face looks!' However, when British people ask "You alright?", it is a casual greeting along the lines of "How's it going?". But it gets more confusing, because apparently a proper way to answer this is to just say "Alright?". Quite honestly, I still feel weird answering a question with the same question, so I usually mumble something like "Yeah I'm good, how're you?" and immediately sound a hundred times more Canadian.

Toilets: In Canada, a toilet is a toilet -- the thing you flush. In England, it is the room where the toilet is located. This does not work the same way for other rooms/appliances. Just go with it.

Nick(ed): This refers to stealing something.  I've heard this one before, but it's much more common here and sometimes catches me off guard. For example: A little girl in reception (kindergarten) came up to me and said: "Miss H... Katie nicked my Barbie doll!" "She...licked...your doll??" I replied, only slightly bewildered because they are in kindergarten and it would have also been plausible if she had licked it.

Bin: Refers to the rubbish bin/garbage can. It is a really bad idea to tell your students to put their work in their bins.

Hob:  Burner, like the ones on your stove. No relation to hobbits.

Cheers: This is just much more widely used as a way to casually say "thanks" or "goodbye". I honestly have only been able to slip in a "cheers" a few times without feeling like an impostor Canadian.

Quid: I had finally started using 'pounds' and 'pence' regularly instead of 'dollars' and 'cents', when someone threw in a 'quid' and I was all like "Woah there pal. Now you're just making up words to confuse me". But it means 'pounds' in the same way that we would say 'five bucks'.

Potatoes: *A separate illustrated section is required on potatoes, both because of their personal importance to me, and also the sheer number of potato-related words that are different here.

• Jacket Potato:

No.

Yes. Delicious.

• Chips: Fries, but more specifically, thick cut fries.

True, natural beauty.

• Fries: Not as commonly used but can refer to thin, long cut potatoes such as good old Micky D's. 

  

  I am salivating.

• Crisps: Chips. Like the kind you get in a bag, or the kind that people put out in a bowl at university residence parties, and then accuse you of eating all of them and knock on your door demanding a dollar. Purely hypothetical example.

                                        Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections.                                           

Lucky Dip: A kind of raffle-like draw where you can win prizes. I am including this in here for Beth's sake. At her work, she was told that there would be a lucky dip later. Naturally, she anticipated some sort of magical guacamole. There was no guacamole, but she did win a men's shower gel so there's that.

Although there are many more small differences between Canadian and British English, I will leave it at that for now. Those photos of potatoes are making me really hungry, so I think I'll go grab some fries. I mean chips. I mean crisps. ...Can someone pass the lucky dip??

-- C.